high people should be assigned attendants
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
