They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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