one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
