Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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