woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come on in and take your pants off
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