I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
