I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The air taste purple.
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