Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
