dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
