I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
