I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
