I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
