Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
