im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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