remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
