Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
