you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.