Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest

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  (937): the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest http://tfl.nu/2mrs
  Replies (37) Good night (5402) Bad night (1062)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

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  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (28) Good night (9119) Bad night (1441)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys

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  (703): look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys http://tfl.nu/ae48
  Replies (22) Good night (6793) Bad night (1152)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

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  (973): can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters (973): i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet http://tfl.nu/povn
  Replies (11) Good night (2480) Bad night (969)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.

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  (514): he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come. http://tfl.nu/c1dt
  Replies (20) Good night (922) Bad night (8329)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list

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  (217): I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list http://tfl.nu/djej
  Replies (5) Good night (1636) Bad night (602)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter

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  (724): Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter http://tfl.nu/v115
  Replies (2) Good night (1500) Bad night (541)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?

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  (405): Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream? http://tfl.nu/ecpk
  Replies (17) Good night (1762) Bad night (633)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.

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  (623): I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about. http://tfl.nu/u0ol
  Replies (1) Good night (920) Bad night (950)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

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  (413): Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories http://tfl.nu/hc8i
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (408)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.

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  (512): Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference. http://tfl.nu/5ngp
  Replies (6) Good night (807) Bad night (483)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.

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  (704): At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you. http://tfl.nu/lr4p
  Replies (0) Good night (679) Bad night (312)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Little bit of both

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  (519): True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior (226): Little bit of both http://tfl.nu/0xgz
  Replies (1) Good night (564) Bad night (332)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You went to a drug deal in a onesie.

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  (417): You went to a drug deal in a onesie. http://tfl.nu/7cu7
  Replies (3) Good night (943) Bad night (330)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.

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  (613): I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun. http://tfl.nu/gqms
  Replies (2) Good night (237) Bad night (584)

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