Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.