You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.