Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.

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(850): come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants. http://tfl.nu/d477

Replies (14) Good night (772) Bad night (3595)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Bisexual people are plain selfish.

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(419): Bisexual people are plain selfish. http://tfl.nu/ksuw

Replies (53) Good night (4015) Bad night (1068)
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(214): View more from Texas

She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break

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(214): She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break http://tfl.nu/bh5f

Replies (8) Good night (1350) Bad night (4067)
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(541): View more from Oregon

What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

(503): View more from Oregon

3some

(541): View more from Oregon

You're right, stupid question.

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(541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x

Replies (21) Good night (10511) Bad night (1356)
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(720): View more from Colorado

New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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(720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd

Replies (45) Good night (5505) Bad night (1313)
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(330): View more from Ohio

i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

(614): View more from Ohio

My vagina agrees.

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(330): i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again. (614): My vagina agrees. http://tfl.nu/ii41

Replies (20) Good night (6369) Bad night (987)
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(915): View more from Texas

I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper

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(915): I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper http://tfl.nu/xgjg

Replies (16) Good night (4150) Bad night (1659)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

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(724): Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours. http://tfl.nu/4ug0

Replies (1) Good night (2387) Bad night (901)
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(845): View more from New York

I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.

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(845): I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break. http://tfl.nu/bwgw

Replies (4) Good night (1829) Bad night (696)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?

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(715): I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME? http://tfl.nu/q3mm

Replies (12) Good night (2306) Bad night (758)
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(914): View more from New York

ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore

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(914): ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore http://tfl.nu/u5mc

Replies (10) Good night (1521) Bad night (654)
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(702): View more from Nevada

The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant

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(702): The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant http://tfl.nu/bd42

Replies (9) Good night (1179) Bad night (802)
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(309): View more from Illinois

note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.

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(309): note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never. http://tfl.nu/8ha6

Replies (7) Good night (431) Bad night (1238)
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(438): View more from Quebec

Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.

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(438): Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up. http://tfl.nu/xk7n

Replies (3) Good night (681) Bad night (434)
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(705): View more from Ontario

I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.

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(705): I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza. http://tfl.nu/7yan

Replies (10) Good night (890) Bad night (415)

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