I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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