Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.

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  (949): I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying. http://tfl.nu/ychl
  Replies (4) Good night (1103) Bad night (1601)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

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  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7535) Bad night (815)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever

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  (225): were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever http://tfl.nu/h34v
  Replies (30) Good night (6210) Bad night (625)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already

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  (513): just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already http://tfl.nu/ip8k
  Replies (31) Good night (6830) Bad night (802)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

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  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (15848) Bad night (1658)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.

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  (512): I actually had fun getting arrested. That high. http://tfl.nu/ixl1
  Replies (6) Good night (3106) Bad night (1042)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.

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  (281): Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night. http://tfl.nu/k3ni
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (1615)
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  (530): View more from California

  He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"

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  (530): He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?" http://tfl.nu/zkkw
  Replies (6) Good night (1912) Bad night (2691)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?

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  (780): Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off? http://tfl.nu/9svp
  Replies (3) Good night (1262) Bad night (985)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.

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  (360): Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home. http://tfl.nu/g7t7
  Replies (8) Good night (1629) Bad night (643)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)

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  (774): I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-) http://tfl.nu/aq14
  Replies (8) Good night (1561) Bad night (534)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night

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  (804): I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night http://tfl.nu/3prr
  Replies (1) Good night (963) Bad night (333)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.

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  (540): Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot. http://tfl.nu/omko
  Replies (8) Good night (1758) Bad night (397)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.

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  (704): You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now. http://tfl.nu/1b3b
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (275)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.

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  (423): So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class. http://tfl.nu/xrt7
  Replies (5) Good night (872) Bad night (271)

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