I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.