You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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