Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
