We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
