As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
