I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
