Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
