If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
