i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
