I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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