yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
