I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
