3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My nipple is on Facebook.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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