I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
