I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
