the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How external is "for external use only"?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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