I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
