should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You ate ashes out of my bong
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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