When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
