And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
