found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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