He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
