WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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