one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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