I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
