I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
