we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My vagina is officially offended.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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