Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
