I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
