He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
