just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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