I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
