Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
