oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think people are normalizing furries
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
