So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
