So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
