I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
