girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
