Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
