A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
