dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
True strength comes from lack of pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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