She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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