I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
