I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
