It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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