Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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