I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
