He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
