Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
