I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
