Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
