glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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