JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
