I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize