i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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