Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
