I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I need moral support for this bender
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
