I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
