So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
