i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
