I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize