I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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