he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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