"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
