i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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