Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
