I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
