I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
babies were throwing up all over the place
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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