new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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