Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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