I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
