saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
