This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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