we have officially lost it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
